July 8th, 2009 – The Lanyard Life

This Wednesday, July 8th, 2009 from 9pm ’til midnight at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!

Project: The Lanyard Life

$2 processing fee, please

Los Angeles has transformed into summertime wonderland, can you imagine not being breathless with all there is to admire and love? I thought not, that’s why for the FIRST TIME EVER we’re doing lanyards at CraftNight this week. Lord knows why we’ve waited so long for this moment, I guess I just needed to mature as a Craft Captain in order to be able to handle lanyards, they’re kind of intense and mystical.

Some of you are really quite resilient in the field of lanyards, you know who you are. But some of you never got that classic summer camp moment, shouting bizarre rhyming musical stanzas with cult-like precision around the bonfire, while weaving strands of double-sided colorful plastic cords into key fobs, bracelets, picture frames or even figures like clowns or animals. Now is your chance, meet your destiny. 

Leave it to the French, plastic lanyards started as a fad in the 1950s over there, and eventually made it into recreation programs all over the world. There are even special names for some of the knots you can learn to tie: Spiral Knot, Cobra, Staircase, Butterfly and other variations! So if you happen to be a lanyard jedi, come on in here and lend us your skills! If you’re a beginner, don’t worry, I’m one too, and if we do lanyards often, our brains will benefit from its positive effects on our coordination skills, and as the years accumulate, we will eventually be the coolest senior citizens IN HISTORY!!! YEOW! 

See you at the Craft Table, you gorgeous toothsome animal, you!

JP Craft Captain

Public Service Announcement: Aw jeez, REALLY?!? For the love ‘o’ Mary, whoever is bringing their OWN beer into the bar during CraftNight (Fat Tire brand, which Akbar doesn’t carry) STOP IT!!! Yes, it’s true, times are hard, but not so hard that you have to be completely uncouth by bringing your trashy-ass beer bottles into Akbar and leaving them there for us to recycle. Akbar is not a chain, it’s not “the man” it’s a neighborhood oasis that has the strongest pour in Silverlake, no joke. Pre-game at home, leave your bottles at your place and please support us by purchasing at least ONE cocktail at OUR place! Have a little class, aye? Sheesh. 

CraftNight’s Site

Akbar’s Site

July 1st – Plaster Figurines— REALLY!!!

This Wednesday, July 1st, 2009 from 9pm to midnight, at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!

Project: Painting plaster figurines FOR SURE!

$2 processing fee, please

 

Whereupon some highly recognizable celebrity icons have been called into the great beyond last week, as well as recent mortal failure of airbus aircrafts resulting in more loss, in addition to coverage of continuing political unrest and governmental ineptitude and greed in various regions here and the world over furthering the mistreatment and untimely deaths of thousands of humans for years and years and years and even right now while I type…………CraftNight would like to take a moment to observe International Flag Burning Day, since underneath all the BS, we’re all just a mess of bratty life forms hanging out together on a big ball that spins.

 

This July 4th, burn the flag closest to your heart, banishing xenophobia and jingoism, promoting tolerance and acceptance of EVERYBODY all over the world! 

Affirm the reality of human freedom and experience! 

Rid your mind of nationalism!

Hooray!

 

I’m not on standby in the Missouri airport any longer, thus we return to our regular programming of painting plaster figurines with acrylic paint. For those of you who don’t know this: acrylic paint DOES NOT wash out of clothing after it dries! Just a little service announcement I like to make from time to time.  

 

See you at the Craft Table, 

JP Craft Captain

 

CraftNight’s Website

 

Akbar’s Website

 

 

 

 

 

June 24th – GrabBag Figurines!

This Wednesday, June 24th, 2009 from 9pm until midnight, at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Painting Plaster Figurines
$2 processing fee, please

I am typing this e-mail from Columbia, Missouri! I will be flying back in time to host CraftNight, and I hope to see you there! What are we doin? Oh, I found these little figurines of pirates, parrots, treasure chests, couple of football players, kittens, monkeys and some other weird stuff.
Come in, choose your figurine and get painting!
In the meantime, I’ve been swimming in the creek, avoiding lightning bolts, catching frogs, officiating a wedding, sitting on the porch and singing country music, picking out constellations, squealing every time I see a firefly (which means I’m squealing a lot…), and just having a bang-up time in the heartland.
See you at the Craft Table!
JP Craft Captain

CraftNight’s Site

Akbar’s Site

June 17th, 2009 – Planes!

This Wednesday, June 17th, 2009 from 9pm until midnight, at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!! 

Project: Da Plane, Da Plane! (Little planes, yesirreeee.) 

$2 processing fee, please

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Craft Captain speaking. 

On behalf of the flight crew, let me welcome you aboard CraftNight Flight 4356 to Akbar with continuing service to Echo Park, Downtown and Santa Monica. Flight Attendants, we’re cleared for take-off, set phasers for fabulous! We should touch Akbar at 9pm local time, depending on the reported headwind. 

 

(A little later…) Folks, we’ve just hit our cruising altitude of 11,000 feet. I’ve turned on the “Good Times”  light, which means you are now free to move about the cabin. The “Enjoy a Cocktail” light will remain on throughout the flight, in compliance with FAA regulations, as well as the “Make your own personal miniature flying wooden airplane at CraftNight” light, but please remember to fasten your seatbelt in case we encounter any overzealous inebriation. At this time, all cell phone ringers must be amplified, in case you hear from friends who need directions to Akbar, or in case you get a booty call and need to text them back and tell them to come to CraftNight of you ain’t puttin’ out.  

Please leave your inhibitions and doubts in their upright and locked position, you won’t need them on this trip, and please be careful opening overhead bins, because glittery doohickeys may have shifted during the flight.

 

(And a bit later…) Welcome to Silverlake International Airport. Local time is time to craft! We welcome you to Los Angeles, the city of paradoxical juxtapositions where in one fell swoop you’re shouting to your neighborhood bank teller through the customary 2-inches of plexiglass, while simultaneously noticing out of the corner of your eye that the fellow in line behind you wearing the ballcap and sunglasses who looks sort of like George Clooney actually IS George Clooney. 

Nuts, I tell you! 

We hope you’ve enjoyed your flight! We hope you choose CraftNight Airlines again for your next exciting journey. 

See you at the Craft Table!

JP Craft Captain

 

CraftNight’s Website (being updated this week! Promise!) 

 

Akbar’s Website

June 10th, 2009 – The AMAZING PineCone! (and a notice for Dyke Day L.A.)

This Wednesday, June 10th, 2009 from 9pm until midnight, at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!

Project: Pinecone Crafts!

$2 processing fee, please

In all essence, it is scarcely believable that it has taken SEVEN years of CraftNight to finally acknowledge the wonderful breadth of crafting possibilities offered us from THE AMAZING PINECONE. If there was anything nature created that’s just begging for plastic googly eyes to be fastened upon it’s sturdy and robust organic form… it’s the simple yet esoteric pinecone. Do you understand pinecones? If you’ve ever felt sort of shy about them, get acquainted this week, you won’t be sorry, you’ll be glad, and you’ll want to skip around and squeal and stuff and roll your Rs and flip your hair and be free and glorious. Pinecones do that kind of thing to people, I’ve seen it first hand.

Might I add that I’M BACK!!! I’ve been so far away for so long, and I’ve missed you, so please come in and maybe you’ll be the first to try exciting Canadian candies that I’ve brought with me from Montreal! Voila!

AND you should stop by DYKE DAY on Saturday, bring the kids, the aunts and uncles, the second cousins, the stray sexy caterer from the Bar Mitzvah! Bring puppies and kittens and parrots, take the hamster out of its wheel and show it how to paint the town red! Pack up the babies and grab the old ladies and everyone GOES, it’s all ages, bring your picnic and the blanket and bouncy balls and pillows and bubbles! Please be advised, you might see some lesbians there.

This event is totally and completely FREE!

Saturday, June 13th, 12-6pm (Dyke March is at 6:30pm)

Barnsdall Art Park at 4804 Hollywood Blvd. in Beautiful Silverlake, California

We’ll have performers, community organizations, craft table, moon bounce, music and lots more! Happy Gay Pride, Los Angeles!Woooooo!

See you at the Craft Table!

JP Craft Captain

CraftNight’s Website

Akbar’s Website

June 3rd, 2009 – Paper Digital Watches!

This Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009 from 9pm – til midnight, at Akbar, it’s CraftNight!!!

Project: Paper Digital Watches with Miss Lori the Lovely

$2 processing fee, please

What time is it? Time to feel unnacountably mighty, time to curve your hand into a paw and scoop up some pens and sparkles and design for yourself a precision timepeace that you’ll cherish for years to come! We’ve got these really amazing paper digital watches, you add your own personality to them, waaaaay better than swatches dude, something to talk about, the envied and coveted possession to end all possessions. If you like to keep up with the Jones’s, here’s a surefire way to blast them into the stratosphere!

And yes, I am aware that it is raining, and I am also aware that clouds and water and lightening and thunder are a fine occasion to enjoy cocktails with captivating and engaging people like yourself. So won’t you please grab that umbrella with the polka dots on it and join us? Everytime you hear thunder, you have to take a sip from your cocktail!

See you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain

CraftNight Website

Akbar Website

May 20th, 2009 – TyVek Wallets!

This Wednesday, May 20th, 2009 from 9pm until midnight at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Tyvek® Wallets with Mike Che™!
$2 processing fee, please
Tyvek® is the magical and wonderful protective material that is so strong and durable it is virtually indestructible. It withstands the most grueling conditions and is used to seal buildings, and is used for high-end mailing envelopes AND it is 100% recyclable.
Mike Che™, CraftNight Lieutenant Extraordinaire, will be guiding the extremely amazing Tyvek® wallet experience this week at CraftNight! He’s got ready-made ones that he built himself for you to decorate, and if that’s just too tame, and you’re feeling sassy, he’ll help you make one from scratch! It doesn’t get more hands-on than this, and the last time you talked to your money, didn’t it say it wanted to be hugged by lovingly folded and decorated flashspun high-density polyethylene fibers? We don’t usually craft things that are traditionally useful or chic, so this is a very unique night, it’s like getting an Omega watch for 25 cents! Take advantage of the value and savings of this popular and reliable and responsive Wednesday Night Funtime at your friendly neighborhood oasis. Protect your assets, fold’em in a CraftNight Tyvek® wallet!
See you at the Craft Table,
JP Craft Captain
CraftNight’s Site
Akbar’s Site

May 13th, 2009 – PIRATES!!!

This Wednesday, May 13th, 2009 from 9pm until midnight at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!

Project: PIRATES TAKE OVER CRAFTNIGHT!

$2 pirating fee, please

A pirate walks into Akbar, with a HUGE ship’s steering wheel lodged in his pants. I mean, really HUGE, he even has a difficult time getting through the door. The pirate hollers “Aye, Matey, git me ah drink!” The bartender (Mikey or Stephan on Wednesdays) says “Uh, yeah, but… you have a huge ship’s steering wheel stuck in your pants.” And the pirate says “I know! IT’S DRIVIN ME NUTS!!!!”

Okay okay, sorry, that was crazy, but shiver me timbers, to err is human, to arrr is PIRATE! Ha! CraftNight’s got pirates, rumor has it they will really be making you walk the plank if you don’t craft this week, so you better show up. I overheard them in the galley, something about bedazzling a pegleg or baking homemade crackers for polly, or decoupaging Davey Jones’s locker or sewing eye patches for your eye (or lack thereof) or pasties for your hongos, or some such nonsense. Whatever it is, it’s sure to be deluxe and VERY dangerous or naughty or rude, or whatever pirates are associated with, I’m shakin’ in my boots right now just thinking about it!

Come see what it’s all about, if you know what’s good for ye… oh, and did you hear about the new pirate movie? It’s rated ARRRRRRR!

See you at the Craft Table,

JP Craft Captain

CraftNight’s Site - NEWLY UPDATED!!!

Akbar’s Site

May 6th, 2009 – Recipe Books with the Miracle Whips!

This Wednesday, May 6th, 2009 from 9pm until 12 midnight at Akbar it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Special Hosts: THE MIRACLE WHIPS!

Project: Whippin’ up recipe books with the Whips
$2 processing fee, please

FRESH CRAFTNIGHT PIE with THE MIRACLE WHIPS
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup of all-purpose charm
3 cups of your favorite queer femme burlesque troupe
1 teaspoon fun extract
1/2 teaspoon ground foxy dreamboat mix
2 tablespoons of good times

Mothers Day is coming up, and the Whips are here to help you hand bind recipe books! Whether you’re seeking those comfort foods from childhood or a delicious way to do as your Momma told you and EAT YOUR VEGETABLES, the Whips aim to please.
So come on down and draw, write, collage and bind something special, make some food-making blueprints for the special people in your life. We’re all cooking more in this crazy economy, and for those of you growing your own food, well, now is the time to prepare for your growing crops and get some food formulas for when harvest time arrives! This is a PERFECT opportunity to bring along some of your favorite recipes to trade, or write from scratch, so if you’ve got that special recipe for stuffing from great grandma in 1934, copy it for posterity in your new book of cooking wisdom.
See you at the Craft Table!
JP Craft Captain
CraftNight’s Website
Akbar’s Website
ps- CraftHead Website updated soon… technical difficulties pending.

April 29th, 2009 – Paper Bag Puppets!!!

This Wednesday, April 29th, 2009 from 9pm to midnight at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!
Project: Paper Bag Puppets (or an exciting decorative paper container for your 40 come Cinco de Mayo! Drinkin in tha streets!)
$2 processing fee, please
INTERRUPTION-NEAT-O EVENT THIS WEEKEND: The work of your Craft Captain (yeah yeah, tha’s me) and lovely CraftNight Lieutenant, Miss Lori Meeker is at a FABULOUS GARY BASEMAN OPENING at the Corey Helford Gallery THIS MAY 2nd, 2009 from 6:30 to 10! Come see the GIANT Chou Chou Buddha and all its little chou chou buddha mini friends, as well as other Baseman characters come to life! It’s a pan-cultural celebration of drummers and dancers, carnivale games, music and mirth it’s LA NOCHE DE LA FUSION! I made 4 little seasonal chou chou buddhas (one covered in puffballs) and I believe Lori made 2, and hers is COVERED with sparkles! Go see! Eeeeeee!

Back to our regular programming:
Oh hey, are you walking the walk, are you talking the talk?
Are you ambling about as a warrior, a whistler, a wizard, a witch, a warlock, a piece of sweet cherry pie? I’m asking because the naysayers of this world need inspiration or a good kick in the keister, and a dose of ten thousand flaming tons of awesome is what you are, you see. I mean, whatever, I’m just sayin… don’t let the turkeys get you down, if there are any lurking about your doorstep, but do give them something to talk about, capiche?
Be divine and observe the beauty of your existence with us at CraftNight this week. Make a paper bag puppet, create a paper personality: Freddie Mercury, Frida Kahlo, Caesar Chavez, your Mom, the monster under the bed, delirious robot creature, The Three Caballeros, The Golden Girls, a purple puppy, etc.
OR make a “drink holder” for 40 ounces of Olde English 800 so you can stand on the street, shoot off your pop gun and holler “VIVA CERVEZA!” while holding onto a street lamp for dear life during the crazy fireworks in Los Angeles this May 5th. Don’t lose your sombrero, and don’t talk to any sick pigs, I hear they’re getting kind of surly these days. Of course, if you just want to make a paper holder for Lime-flavored diet coke and just make it LOOK like a 40, we won’t tell anyone what a weird sissy you are. Sissies are uncool, and uncool is CraftNight, we have un-ironic hugs for you, so just get in here, yeah? YEAH!
See you at the Craft Table
JP Craft Captain
CraftNight’s Site
Akbar’s Site