TONIGHT! August 19th, 2009 – Paint/Assemble Wood Kits!

TONIGHT! Wednesday, August 19th, 2009 from 9pm ’til midnight, at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!

Project: Assemble and Paint Wooden forms of Industry

$2 processing fee, please

At long last, a deluxe craft you can really sink your teeth into (although, since this craft is wooden, you might want to think twice about applying the literal interpretation to your proclivities this evening).

I found these groovy little wooden parts-is-parts kits, there are tractors, some space shuttles, ships, and paddle balls! The paddle balls are the only kits that don’t require assembly, so you have no excuse, if you’re feeling lazy, I’ve already anticipated your sloth, it’s easy street, I swear. I got some new glitter, and more letter beads, get crazy!

It’s a new moon, time for setting your intentions for the weeks ahead, hunkering down and wondering if Los Angeles is going to hit us with it’s last leviathan-style merciless bout of  unbearable heat before settling into Autumn. The Harvest Moon is on it’s way, but we do have some sunshine summer fun before it’s time to store acorns… The 29th Annual SUNSET JUNCTION notwithstanding! Get out there and dance to Dengue Fever, Morris Day and the Time and Very be Careful, to name a few! Stop in at Akbar to cool your jets and enjoy our lovely neighborhood oasis, we’ll be open at 1pm Saturday and Sunday, make it the place to meet your pals before going into the belly of the beast!

See you at the Craft Table!

JP Craft Captain

CraftNight’s Site

Akbar’s Site

August 12th, 2009 – MAGNETS!

TONIGHT!!!
This Wednesday, August 12th, 2009 from around 9pm ’til midnight or so, at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Magnets!
$2 processing fee, please

Hey, there’s a meteor shower this week, the famed Perseids are here! For the next three nights or so, do yourself a favor if you’re a late night spectator, go find a dark patch of land, take a thermos and a blanket and watch the night sky throw some big ol’ glowin’ baseballs through the heavens, thrill-a-minute, guaranteed. 
Before you do that though, come make a fridge magnet or two with us over at Akbar. It doesn’t have to go on the fridge, it can go on your filing cabinet, or the car door, anywhere you need to post papers, reminders, photos, notes, whatever. 

Yay, get in here!
See you at the Craft Table,
JP Craft Captain

CraftNight Website 

Akbar Website

August 5th, 2009 Problematic Polynesian Appropriation Project

TONIGHT! Wednesday August 5th, 2009 from 9pm ’til midnight at Akbar it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Problematic Polynesian Appropriation Project
$2 Processing fee, please

Does anyone remember that episode of The Brady Bunch where Greg finds that “Bad Luck” Tiki and next thing you know, people are getting side aches from hula dancing, wiping out badly at surfing and tarantulas are trying to crawl into peoples pants? I’m hoping that when we make these foam tiki totem thingers that CraftNight doesn’t dive bomb into a chaotic taboo-laden spiral of Dionysian amorality.
Blame Ernest Raymond Beaumont-Gant, who opened the Polynesian-themed bar and restaurant in 1934 called “Don the Beachcomber.” He started it! And then there were all those soldiers coming back from the South Pacific with their exciting souvenirs after WWII, followed by Hawaiian Statehood which launched a countrywide fad for the loose and stylistic rip-off of hallowed ancient carvings and mythology of the Maori, Tahitians, Hawaiians, and other Pacific Islanders. As the Devil does indeed live in Hollywood, Los Angeles has a rich and determined habit of theming the hell out of everything it touches, hallowed-be-thy-customs-BE-DAMNED.

But I’m not kidding around here, it’s a FULL MOON tonight, and this stuff is REAL.

We’ve got foam tiki totem pre-made kits made in china, I mean… that’s what I got. If it freaks you out, re-purpose the parts and make a cannon for your grandma, or a fish catcher or a telescope, I’m in full support of whatever you decide to create. But IF you make a tiki totem on the full moon in our middle-eastern-themed gay bar this evening, make sure it’s made with TRUTH and LOVE and the full understanding that you are TIKI-ing at your own risk. If your cat starts talking to you, if green chest hair grows out of your nostrils, if you get beaten up by a Hawaiian football team, CraftNight wishes you well in your endeavors, but will definitely say “I told you so.”

But who knows, if you we do it just right, and set our sites on the positive, maybe the gods will smile on us (despite our clouded western attitude) and you’ll find $100 in your sock drawer, or you’ll get the promotion, or you’ll be in the Rose Parade as the star!

And if you’d like to take a serious look at the origins of the awesome people of the Pacific, see this LINK.

Also, if you have a lot of white liberal guilt, and need a brown person to stand next to in order to feel okay about making your Tiki, I can do this for you! I’m part Pacific Islander, and have extensive training in providing perfunctory symbolic efforts of multi-culti equality for those in turmoil wishing to do right by ethnic culture in the City of the Fallen Angels.

And if you want to wear nothing but a grass skirt and a coconut bra while you’re at it, I’m not going to complain.

I’m glad we could have this discussion. I’m not really sure how we’re going to figure all of this out, but let’s find out together, at CraftNight!

Okay. Full Moon, tiki totems, playing with fire,
See you at the Craft Table,
JP Craft Captain

PS- Painting of Kirk & Spock is by Isabel Samaras, check out her stuff. 

CraftNight’s Website

Akbar’s Website

July 29th, 2009 – SUN VISORS

 

This Wednesday, July 29th, 2009 from 9:00pm until 12-ish, at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!

Project: Sun Visors

$2 processing fee, please

Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun, but I’ve never been able to make out the numbers.

Har de har, but seriously, you can’t live in Los Angeles and not know how to SPF. And you certainly will want to prepare for the next 2 months of mega-sun that comes with August and September. Unless you want to be Ms. Premature Raisin-head 2009, you’d best walk into CraftNight and make yourself a little ditty that will keep your eyes from wincing and wrinkling into a dehydrated apple-head doll on sale at those home town art fairs… wearing little flower dresses, brandishing tiny brooms. Do you want to hold a tiny broom?

Well?

DO YOU?

Okay then. Let’s get ahold of ourselves. Keep yourself young and beautiful and ravishing and eternal with your handy-dandy sun blocker, your VISOR that you’re going to decorate with US, your amazing friends at Akbar! Aren’t you in the mood for a sun-blockin’ party? I’ve got a certain number of visors to hand out, first come, first serve, if you get here late, you’ll just  have to do the auxiliary craft. What’s the auxiliary craft? That has yet to be seen, but you know, let’s hope you get here in time, I’ll be rootin’ for ya. And incidentally, if you stay up all night trying to see where the sun went, don’t worry… at some point it’ll finally dawn on you. Ha ha ha haaaaaaa!

See you at the Craft Table, 

JP Craft Captain

CraftNight’s Website

Akbar’s Website

July 22nd, 2009 – Dog Tag Necklaces!

This Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009 from 9pm until midnight at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!

Project: Dog Tag Necklaces!

$2 processing fee, please

That’s right, here at CraftNight you can make your very own plastic dog tag necklace suitable for gala events, fashion shows, christenings, civil unions, monster truck rallies and movie premieres. In Los Angeles, it’s all about being seen, so make sure the paparazzi flashes catch you wearing the hottest home made plastic on the market, it’s de rigueur, darling.

Walk in the place, whichever place that may be, and the bloggers and the cool-finders and every silly gadget in the PLACE is going to be ON FIRE texting about your fantastic rustic trinket hangin’ round your neck. They’re all going to gnash their teeth with jealousy, coveting your makeshift bling. They’ll rue the day they missed this week’s CraftNight. 

Bring anything you feel might add to your necklace, I hear the power amulet is coming back, as well as macrame. Come on in, and don’t forget the diamonds on the soles of your shoes. I don’t care that it’s hot, you think this is HOT? Dang, we haven’t even seen what August is going to do to us… 

See you at the Craft Table, 
JP Craft Captain

CraftNight’s Site

Akbar’s Site 

July 15th, 2009 – 2-D Cabins — EASY!!!

This Wednesday, July 15th, 2009 from 9pm to midnight at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!
Project: EASY-AS-PIE 2D-Foam Cabins
$2 processing fee, please!

If you’re one of those people who throws up their hands and says “Oh, I can’t craft!” Then you have no excuse this week. You CAN do this week’s craft.

A baby can do this week’s craft.
A cowboy boot can do this week’s craft.
A pet rock can do this week’s craft.
What’s more innocuous than a pet rock?
Flat cabin-shaped pieces of foam that YOU decorate to your satisfaction is what I’ve got for you this week! Like, dude, you could just glue ONE THING to your cabin and call it a night. You could spend hours or minutes on this, the  bottom line is: it practically makes itself. 

So come in and try it, if you’ve never tried it before, this one’s a great introductory craft for the novice crafter who has never been to CraftNight. And for you advanced crafters, well… you know how it works, it’s only as complicated as you make it!

See you at the Craft Table!

JP Craft Captain

CraftNight’s Site

Akbar’s Site

July 8th, 2009 – The Lanyard Life

This Wednesday, July 8th, 2009 from 9pm ’til midnight at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!

Project: The Lanyard Life

$2 processing fee, please

Los Angeles has transformed into summertime wonderland, can you imagine not being breathless with all there is to admire and love? I thought not, that’s why for the FIRST TIME EVER we’re doing lanyards at CraftNight this week. Lord knows why we’ve waited so long for this moment, I guess I just needed to mature as a Craft Captain in order to be able to handle lanyards, they’re kind of intense and mystical.

Some of you are really quite resilient in the field of lanyards, you know who you are. But some of you never got that classic summer camp moment, shouting bizarre rhyming musical stanzas with cult-like precision around the bonfire, while weaving strands of double-sided colorful plastic cords into key fobs, bracelets, picture frames or even figures like clowns or animals. Now is your chance, meet your destiny. 

Leave it to the French, plastic lanyards started as a fad in the 1950s over there, and eventually made it into recreation programs all over the world. There are even special names for some of the knots you can learn to tie: Spiral Knot, Cobra, Staircase, Butterfly and other variations! So if you happen to be a lanyard jedi, come on in here and lend us your skills! If you’re a beginner, don’t worry, I’m one too, and if we do lanyards often, our brains will benefit from its positive effects on our coordination skills, and as the years accumulate, we will eventually be the coolest senior citizens IN HISTORY!!! YEOW! 

See you at the Craft Table, you gorgeous toothsome animal, you!

JP Craft Captain

Public Service Announcement: Aw jeez, REALLY?!? For the love ‘o’ Mary, whoever is bringing their OWN beer into the bar during CraftNight (Fat Tire brand, which Akbar doesn’t carry) STOP IT!!! Yes, it’s true, times are hard, but not so hard that you have to be completely uncouth by bringing your trashy-ass beer bottles into Akbar and leaving them there for us to recycle. Akbar is not a chain, it’s not “the man” it’s a neighborhood oasis that has the strongest pour in Silverlake, no joke. Pre-game at home, leave your bottles at your place and please support us by purchasing at least ONE cocktail at OUR place! Have a little class, aye? Sheesh. 

CraftNight’s Site

Akbar’s Site

July 1st – Plaster Figurines— REALLY!!!

This Wednesday, July 1st, 2009 from 9pm to midnight, at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!

Project: Painting plaster figurines FOR SURE!

$2 processing fee, please

 

Whereupon some highly recognizable celebrity icons have been called into the great beyond last week, as well as recent mortal failure of airbus aircrafts resulting in more loss, in addition to coverage of continuing political unrest and governmental ineptitude and greed in various regions here and the world over furthering the mistreatment and untimely deaths of thousands of humans for years and years and years and even right now while I type…………CraftNight would like to take a moment to observe International Flag Burning Day, since underneath all the BS, we’re all just a mess of bratty life forms hanging out together on a big ball that spins.

 

This July 4th, burn the flag closest to your heart, banishing xenophobia and jingoism, promoting tolerance and acceptance of EVERYBODY all over the world! 

Affirm the reality of human freedom and experience! 

Rid your mind of nationalism!

Hooray!

 

I’m not on standby in the Missouri airport any longer, thus we return to our regular programming of painting plaster figurines with acrylic paint. For those of you who don’t know this: acrylic paint DOES NOT wash out of clothing after it dries! Just a little service announcement I like to make from time to time.  

 

See you at the Craft Table, 

JP Craft Captain

 

CraftNight’s Website

 

Akbar’s Website

 

 

 

 

 

June 24th – GrabBag Figurines!

This Wednesday, June 24th, 2009 from 9pm until midnight, at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!!
Project: Painting Plaster Figurines
$2 processing fee, please

I am typing this e-mail from Columbia, Missouri! I will be flying back in time to host CraftNight, and I hope to see you there! What are we doin? Oh, I found these little figurines of pirates, parrots, treasure chests, couple of football players, kittens, monkeys and some other weird stuff.
Come in, choose your figurine and get painting!
In the meantime, I’ve been swimming in the creek, avoiding lightning bolts, catching frogs, officiating a wedding, sitting on the porch and singing country music, picking out constellations, squealing every time I see a firefly (which means I’m squealing a lot…), and just having a bang-up time in the heartland.
See you at the Craft Table!
JP Craft Captain

CraftNight’s Site

Akbar’s Site

June 17th, 2009 – Planes!

This Wednesday, June 17th, 2009 from 9pm until midnight, at Akbar, it’s CRAFTNIGHT!!! 

Project: Da Plane, Da Plane! (Little planes, yesirreeee.) 

$2 processing fee, please

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Craft Captain speaking. 

On behalf of the flight crew, let me welcome you aboard CraftNight Flight 4356 to Akbar with continuing service to Echo Park, Downtown and Santa Monica. Flight Attendants, we’re cleared for take-off, set phasers for fabulous! We should touch Akbar at 9pm local time, depending on the reported headwind. 

 

(A little later…) Folks, we’ve just hit our cruising altitude of 11,000 feet. I’ve turned on the “Good Times”  light, which means you are now free to move about the cabin. The “Enjoy a Cocktail” light will remain on throughout the flight, in compliance with FAA regulations, as well as the “Make your own personal miniature flying wooden airplane at CraftNight” light, but please remember to fasten your seatbelt in case we encounter any overzealous inebriation. At this time, all cell phone ringers must be amplified, in case you hear from friends who need directions to Akbar, or in case you get a booty call and need to text them back and tell them to come to CraftNight of you ain’t puttin’ out.  

Please leave your inhibitions and doubts in their upright and locked position, you won’t need them on this trip, and please be careful opening overhead bins, because glittery doohickeys may have shifted during the flight.

 

(And a bit later…) Welcome to Silverlake International Airport. Local time is time to craft! We welcome you to Los Angeles, the city of paradoxical juxtapositions where in one fell swoop you’re shouting to your neighborhood bank teller through the customary 2-inches of plexiglass, while simultaneously noticing out of the corner of your eye that the fellow in line behind you wearing the ballcap and sunglasses who looks sort of like George Clooney actually IS George Clooney. 

Nuts, I tell you! 

We hope you’ve enjoyed your flight! We hope you choose CraftNight Airlines again for your next exciting journey. 

See you at the Craft Table!

JP Craft Captain

 

CraftNight’s Website (being updated this week! Promise!) 

 

Akbar’s Website